May 31 2016 Awakening Sexual IntelligenceCategory: General     08:00AM   0

[INTRODUCTION: As a voracious sex geek, learner and researcher, I often encounter resources to add to my voluminous resource library.  Because I'm only an occasional writer myself yet desire to have a blog, I thought why not do as the Utne Reader ( does and showcase a diverse range of resources about my favorite topics: sexuality, intimacy, gender, identity, relationships, Tantra, BDSM, emotional intelligence, healthy touch, sacred sexuality, sexual health, and more.  So here you go....xo Claire.]


This Dispatch of ReWild Yourself! focuses on sex and sexuality in the context of the pursuit of a more natural lifestyle. Sex is, of course, one of the most taboo-yet-over-discussed topics in our lives, and culturally we at once immerse ourselves in its waters, and yet at the same time avoid ever really swimming into its depths. We are sexually stimulated at every turn by sexual imagery and yet are constantly socially policed by others if we express too much for their comfort. We are expected to be both sexual masters and memorable lovers, and yet at the same time expected not to practice too much, lest we look lecherous, lustful, licentious, libidinous, lubricious, lascivious, or any other "L" words that allude to the "excesses of pleasure". 

Sex is hidden from us as children by those who could best educate us (you know, the ones that made us with sex), yet is pushed upon us by media from the moment we first have remote control autonomy. We are confused about when to start, and then shamed by adults around us when we become sexually active at the same age that they did. If we follow the hypocritical and absurdly unrealistic abstinence program that so many parents suggest, we are then shamed by our peers for not becoming sexually active at the time when the rest of them do. 

The messages are very confusing. We are told that sex is the ultimate pursuit of adulthood and at the same time that it is dangerous to the point of lethality. We are sluts if we 'do it' and prudes if we don’t. Sex dominates the routines of comedians, as we nervously laugh out our pent up sexual tensions, and it is critical to nearly every fictional film whether romance or action, comedy or drama. No story seems complete without sex. 

Sex, it seems, is amongst the most important activities we will experience in our lives, yet is also one of the most hidden and obfuscated. It is joked about in most company, but rarely talked about seriously. It is supposed to take place in private, yet we can all voyeur the act by countless beautiful, shaved, and oiled sex-workers at any time of day by simply logging on. Because the real act is so hidden, these pornographic displays become our cognitive references, dominating in our consciousness the very infrequent sex we witness outside our own. Life imitates art and the sterile and emotionless sexuality we witness in pornography creeps into our own lives and the lives of our very confused children.

The neotonous standards of beauty that dominate our culture and the world of sexual film and photography, advertising and fantasy become the model by which we judge ourselves and our partners, and we struggle to keep up with this rigorous measure, if at all. We fake sexual confidence to cover for insecurities which arise from all these mixed messages, as we — being social apes — attempt to conform to the desires and norms of our tribes. 

What if we step back and look at sex from a fresh, more realistic perspective. What if we ask not 'what should we do', or 'what are we supposed to do', or 'how could we do it better', but rather ask 'what is sex for' and how does it look in the context of natural H. sapiens as a species? In other words, what do we naturally do? Perhaps understanding the role of sex for social apes, and in particular ourselves, we can approach sex from a healthier place, with a more relaxed appreciation and less cognitive dissonance. 

So please join me as we explore the topic in a way that honors our zoology, and looks at the animal physiology and psychology that drives our impulses and fantasies. 

Sex, you’ll see, is probably the greatest drive we have once our basic life support needs are met, and it's true whether we live naked in the rain forest of New Guinea or a penthouse suite in Dubai. 

We are a very sexual ape.


Original article found HERE.

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